the earthquake in china has me very sad and all in a tizzy. i am guessing plagues of locusts are next on the list, as the universe is clearly just not in a good mood right now.

life in san francisco is an exercise in the complete suspension of reality. we live in the most lovely place so no one ever really wants to talk about the fact that the earth could swallow us whole. i didn't grow up here so i have the fear of an outsider - earthquakes scare the shite out of me.

i'm worried about the shaking and the destruction, but my largest fear (perhaps foolishly) is the shock of the comforts of the modern world going to hell. when i lived in DC during september 11th, the hardest part for me was just the helplessness - the lack of real news, no cell phone service, tanks on the corners and men with guns everywhere. i felt scratchy-trapped and keeping panic down was a minute-to-minute exercise in self-discipline.

i worry that my cats will get lost. i worry that i won't be able to tell my family that i am okay. i worry that i won't be able to contact my friends and know that they are safe. i worry that i will lose my home. if "the big one" ever occurs these are small worries, b/c the immediate problems will be things like water and food and death and safety. please let this not be the case.

so china, my heart goes out to you. when i get my tax refund some of that will go out to you as well. part of it is selfish, knowing that there may come a day when i and my city may need that karma returned. for now, i give money and i refresh my emergency kit. more batteries, more food, more good thoughts to keep away the fear.

One Comment

juliet small ernst said...

i really enjoy your writing. thank you for posting this.

i wish i had more words of comfort to offer, but we're in LA; the threat is something we willfully ignore, too.

i once experienced an earthquake while on the upper floor of a department store in tokyo. you could see the entire building swaying back and forth, back and forth. it's totally unnerving, though it's at least an indication that measures have been taken to accommodate the big one, should it ever happen.

at least that's something? :[